the ten minutes before a meeting.

the link is in your calendar. has been for two weeks. you've looked at it probably forty times without actually reading the agenda.

it's now ten minutes away.

you opened the deck to review it one more time. closed it. opened it again. you know this material. you've known it for days. that's not what this is about.

your mouth is slightly dry. you notice this and immediately think about whether people can tell when someone's mouth is dry. they can't. you know they can't. you think about it anyway.

you check your hair. check it again. close the tab with your reflection in it.

the thing is, you're good at this. you've done this exact thing before and it was fine. better than fine. but your body hasn't gotten that memo. your body is treating this like something that could go wrong. your hands are slightly too warm.

eight minutes.

you read the first slide again. it hasn't changed. you already knew that.

someone messages you something unrelated. you respond immediately, grateful for the interruption. then the interruption is over and you're back.

there's a version of the next hour that goes well. you know this. it's the most likely version, statistically. none of that is helping right now.

six minutes.

you're not scared. it's not fear exactly. it's more like your system got the calendar invite too and decided to start early. there's a difference between the thing you're dreading and the dread itself. right now it's just the dread. the thing hasn't even started.

you pour water. drink some of it. check the mute button on your laptop even though you've checked it three times.

four minutes.

the first sentence is the only one that matters. you know this. once you're in it, you'll be fine. it's the threshold. it's always the threshold.

two minutes.

you click join. wait in the lobby. someone else joins. then someone else.

and then it starts.

and you're fine.

some people chew two pieces right around the six-minute mark. not to perform calm. just to take the edge off while the threshold gets closer. calm gum →